86. Greed

"Three great forces rule the world:  stupidity, fear, and greed." 

~Albert Einstein

I realize this may come as a great shock, but greed is right up there on the list of qualities I absolutely despise in people.  Infidelity takes the cake on that list, but greed is a very close second.  I won't go into all the details of precisely why I came to this recent realization because it would implicate some people with whom I continue to have to interact.  However, let's just say that I'm a firm believer in the fact that money is root of most evil - maybe not ALL evil but certainly a considerable amount of it.

I have a really hard time understanding people who, for all intents and purposes, appear to be motivated almost entirely by money.  When people don't have enough of it, they're unhappy.  When they have enough of it, they want more of it.  If only I could make them see how inconsequential money is in comparison to the things that have no price tag.  I'm a realist - I understand that financial woes cause exasperating amounts of stress and hardship in the lives of those who find themselves facing such crises.  Maybe I just lack the ability to see things from other people's points of view; it's hard to understand the value of money when callousness, greed, and misery are the things I associate with it.  At the end of the day, I switch off when I hear someone say that money makes the world go round; instead, I adhere to the mantra promulgated by Brian Tracy:  "Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'what's in it for me?'"

By now it's no secret:  The money I used to found the Grassbaugh Veterans Project represents the money I received from my husband's Servicemembers Group Life Insurance (SGLI).  Every Soldier in the military is required to pay a small portion of his/her monthly salary towards this account unless he/she specifically waives all coverage.  I remember the first time I had to fill out and sign the SGLI form as a Cadet - the thought of something happening to me seemed so absurd back then that I told my instructors I wanted to forego the coverage.  Only after some forceful words to the wise from those who knew better did I change my mind.

The mechanics of SGLI are no also secret - information about how it all works is readily available to anyone with access to the internet.  The insurance benefit itself totals $400,000.  There is also an additional death gratuity of $100,000 paid to the next of kin within a few days of the servicemember's death - this "gratuity" is intended to defray the immediate costs associated with the death of a loved one (funeral expenses and arrangements, travel, etc.).  As Jon's next of kin, I was the recipient of that money.  Half a million dollars was mind-boggling, especially when I'd just become the 22-year-old widow of the man with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life.  I would happily have given up every penny (and then some) to have him back.  That money has sat and stared me in the face for six long years.  Honestly, it's a welcome relief when I sign into my online account and see that half of it is no longer there.  Yes, people say that it’s like cutting away my safety net, but I don’t look at it that way.  Jon would have wanted me to do this. What's more, if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have hesitated before doing something like this for me.

In case there was any doubt, half a million dollars is no substitute for a human life.  I'm not saying that I think the dollar amount should be more or less; all I'm saying is that the value of money and the value of people cannot be compared.  When all of this first happened, my father-in-law cautioned me against being open about the money I'd reluctantly acquired - he said people would take advantage of me (true) and that because I was overly trusting, I probably wouldn't recognize it until it was too late and the damage was done (also true).  I dismissed his concerns at the time, but he was right to be worried; after learning my lesson the hard way, I'm no longer quite so nonchalant or quite so naive.  I understand that I might not be able to make anyone who hasn't been through this experience understand why I have such distaste for monetary concerns, but like the saying goes, don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.  Make that 10 miles - at least.

When it comes to the future, I think I've had enough experience to say without hesitation that I'd rather accept a job I loved for half the salary of one I didn't like for twice the pay.  That should be pretty evident from my chosen career path in the JAG Corps - if I wanted to be a lawyer working for a fancy firm with a starting salary of at least six figures, this is entirely the wrong line of work.  I'm sure private firm lawyers must glean some satisfaction from what they do; anything less would be pure torture, considering how many billable hours they have to work on a weekly basis.  But it's not for me.  What good is tons of money if you spend all your time working for it and never have a free moment to stop and enjoy the so-called "better life" it's providing?

So, in short, I don't do any of this for the money - if I did, I wouldn't be true to myself.  I'd happily live in a cardboard box if I could live in it with Jon.  They say the best things in life are free, though I think that's the understatement of the century.  The best things in life are love and happiness.  Not only are they free, but they're also invaluable.  "Invaluable" means priceless, inestimable, and inappreciable.  Love is undoubtedly all three of these things.  Money may be the root of most evil, but love is the root of all happiness in this world.