"No one can take away your pain...so don't let anyone take away your happiness."
~Unknown
It's been too long since I last wrote, and for that there have been several reasons. Believe it or not, all of them are good. Good, you say? During a deployment to Afghanistan? Yep, believe it or not, this has truly been an experience I feel grateful to have had, albeit for a relatively short period of time.
Quite frankly, I'd stay here for longer if I could. I've learned more in just a few months in this environment than I could ever have hoped to learn in the equivalent time back at home. It may sound strange to hear me say that I feel relatively "happy" in Afghanistan, but truthfully, I can say it without hesitation. I work with wonderful people, I have loving friends and family waiting for me back at home, and I have gained invaluable insight into a delicate situation about which I can now express an informed opinion. Personally and professionally, it doesn't get much better than that. My experience here in Afghanistan has been markedly different than my previous deployment to Iraq, perhaps most notably because it's been six years since Jon's death and I'm not inextricably linked to the very same country where he spent the last days of his life. This separation, both in terms of time and distance, has allowed me to see things with much more clarity and peace of mind than I've felt in a very long time. To say that I'm relieved to have the weight of grief become a less burdensome thing to carry does not do justice to the extent of my gratitude.
Over the past six years, I've done a lot of things that have almost guaranteed my own unhappiness. I've subsconsciously refused to believe that I could be as happy again as I once was and, consequently, I've worked really hard to compile my very own recipe book of disasters for continued emotional hardship. That stops now. When I return to Ohio in a few weeks, I will turn my attention to ensuring that the Grassbaugh Veterans Project accomplishes its goal of helping veterans, and, in doing so, I anticicpate much joy at seeing the fruits of our labor in action. I'm going to focus on my family and friends and try not to worry so much about the things I can't change that tend to send me into a downward spiral of depression and self-destruction. Last but not least, I'm going to loosen my grip on cynicism and allow myself to experience love and true happiness. My favorite U.S. President, Abraham Lincoln, once said that "people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be." At this point, I've practically become an expert at making things unnecessarily complicated for myself, and, as a result, I've experienced one too many bad days. Mr. Lincoln dealt with a lot of complicated issues during his presidency, but I think he hit the proverbial nail on the head here: it really is as simple as making the decision to be happy.
I'm happy to say that my mind is made up. Happiness is on the agenda, and I'm not settling for anything less.
~Unknown
It's been too long since I last wrote, and for that there have been several reasons. Believe it or not, all of them are good. Good, you say? During a deployment to Afghanistan? Yep, believe it or not, this has truly been an experience I feel grateful to have had, albeit for a relatively short period of time.
Quite frankly, I'd stay here for longer if I could. I've learned more in just a few months in this environment than I could ever have hoped to learn in the equivalent time back at home. It may sound strange to hear me say that I feel relatively "happy" in Afghanistan, but truthfully, I can say it without hesitation. I work with wonderful people, I have loving friends and family waiting for me back at home, and I have gained invaluable insight into a delicate situation about which I can now express an informed opinion. Personally and professionally, it doesn't get much better than that. My experience here in Afghanistan has been markedly different than my previous deployment to Iraq, perhaps most notably because it's been six years since Jon's death and I'm not inextricably linked to the very same country where he spent the last days of his life. This separation, both in terms of time and distance, has allowed me to see things with much more clarity and peace of mind than I've felt in a very long time. To say that I'm relieved to have the weight of grief become a less burdensome thing to carry does not do justice to the extent of my gratitude.
Over the past six years, I've done a lot of things that have almost guaranteed my own unhappiness. I've subsconsciously refused to believe that I could be as happy again as I once was and, consequently, I've worked really hard to compile my very own recipe book of disasters for continued emotional hardship. That stops now. When I return to Ohio in a few weeks, I will turn my attention to ensuring that the Grassbaugh Veterans Project accomplishes its goal of helping veterans, and, in doing so, I anticicpate much joy at seeing the fruits of our labor in action. I'm going to focus on my family and friends and try not to worry so much about the things I can't change that tend to send me into a downward spiral of depression and self-destruction. Last but not least, I'm going to loosen my grip on cynicism and allow myself to experience love and true happiness. My favorite U.S. President, Abraham Lincoln, once said that "people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be." At this point, I've practically become an expert at making things unnecessarily complicated for myself, and, as a result, I've experienced one too many bad days. Mr. Lincoln dealt with a lot of complicated issues during his presidency, but I think he hit the proverbial nail on the head here: it really is as simple as making the decision to be happy.
I'm happy to say that my mind is made up. Happiness is on the agenda, and I'm not settling for anything less.
