35. Happy Anniversary

"Why do we close our eyes when we pray?  When we dream?  When we cry?  Or when we kiss?  Because we know that the most beautiful things are not seen, but felt in the heart." 

~Unknown

At work this past week, my coworkers and I lined the street outside our office to pay our silent respects to the funeral procession for a young Soldier from Fort Leavenworth who was killed in Afghanistan earlier this month.  It brought back many hazy recollections and snapshot images of the time Jon's family and I were the ones in those long, black limos watching firemen salute Jon's flag-draped casket and spectators wave American flags in an outpouring of support.  As my mind drifted from the memories of one major event to the next, I eventually returned, as I often do, to the day my world changed forever.  I remember waking up on the morning of April 7th, 2007.  I recall the exact moment I opened my eyes and looked around Jon and I's bedroom; as it turned out, it would be the last time I would do so with the innocence and blissful ignorance of my former life.  As I was just waking up that day, my husband was taking his last breaths of life.  North Carolina and Iraq are separated by an eight-hour time difference.  At approximately 8:16 AM my time, Jon's truck was hit by the massive IED that would lead within less than an hour to his untimely death.  He was alive when they placed him on the MEDEVAC helicopter, but pronounced DOA (Dead On Arrival) when they reached the hospital in Balad.  Time of death, according to the radio log from that day:  1711 hrs.


Today would be our sixth wedding anniversary.  Six years.  Oh, dear God, how I wish I could hold him today, as I do every day.  I would hold him tight and never, ever again let go.  I had a beautiful, simple dream about him the other night where I was holding his hand.  We exchanged no words, but somehow we knew just by looking into each other's eyes that our time together was short and that every moment was precious.  I wish so much I could toast with him today to six wonderful years of marriage...and many, many more to come.  But for us, this dream, for some unknown reason, is not meant to be.


On the day of our wedding, we danced our first dance as husband and wife to the timeless classic, Unchained Melody.  To commemorate that beautiful day, the card I sent to Arlington with yellow and white roses - like the ones from my bouquet at our wedding - reads as follows:


"Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time.
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love.
God speed your love to me.


I love you with all my heart.  I miss you like no words can possibly describe.  Wait for me, baby.
A&F,
Your wife, Jenna"


Jon, if you can hear me, I'm here, my darling, and I will love you until the day after forever.  I know you reside in the safest place possible now - inside my heart.  I'm still here, but, just like the song says, I'll be coming home.   Wait for me...

"The only dream that mattered already came true.  In this life, I was loved by you." (June 9th, 2006)